In Motion

A week's break before the next paper. I am stuck in Nilai, where the nearest thing to entertainment is the Giant hypermarket 25 minutes away by car. And I don't have a car. *Buries myself in novels from the library*

As I type this, I have just finished googling "how to pose for wedding photographs". Not that I'm any wiser - that would take at least another 5 more articles on how to look photogenic and natural, not to mention leave me feeling despondent and hopeless that I'll get pretty wedding photos. Seriously, the more articles on weddings that I read, the more I feel like I'm not cut out for this whole wedding thing. The "marriage" thing, maybe. The "wedding" part, not so. You see, I am pretty bipolar when it comes to wedding preparation decisions. Below is a list of what I've thought about/felt/wanted at SOME point in the planning process (which is still going on) : 1. Let's have a simple wedding, I don't like the fuss of ceremonies, and the more frills you add, the more money you spend, and all this is just for ONE day, which isn't that big a deal. What matters more is the marriage after that, and I definitely don't want to s...

It's hard to be objective. On one hand, it's nice to hold firmly to a set of principles - to know where you stand exactly. On the other, I've been on both sides of the spectrum, and I now know that it's difficult to say that any one thing is the THE ultimate principle. So, with that being said, I will speak for myself, and only myself. I feel that there's no point in striving so hard. If eternal life is the end goal, why is it necessary to fuss about the little things in life? Is there a point in striving for excellence, other than excellence of character? Is it right to push myself so hard that I become unhappy and tired, and lead a miserable existence because nothing is ever good enough? Perhaps some people thrive on competition, but I don't. I feel that competing brings out the worst in me. It makes me status-conscious, it makes me attach my self-worth to my achievements, and it also makes me prideful and arrogant if I do emerge victorious. I have alw...

Maybe one day I'll look back and understand the purpose behind all that I have to go through - all the irritants, all the values I disagree with, all the complicated interpersonal relationships and the hardships that I have to endure. Because 5 years and a half of interaction, friendship, living and working together at close proximity is too much to require from people of different backgrounds and mentalities. One more year to go, and I really hope I don't burn any bridges or reach my breaking point before then. And I can only hope that these aren't the years that the locust have eaten, that there IS an ultimate, overarching purpose behind all these trials. God, please give me strength and joy to face each day.

I miss your fingers intertwined with mine, your sweet scent, and the contented feeling that comes with knowing you're near.

Phew. The end of practicum, at last. It didn't exactly end on a good note, with the GPK giving us a big lecture for a minor mistake. Just left us teacher trainees with more sour feelings towards the school, since we had contributed so much and were repaid like that. It wasn't even MY mistake, but to be fair, it could have happened to any one of us. The other trainees who were at fault were just a little more unlucky. But ENOUGH about the school, I'm moving on with life. I love my weekends. I love that I get to laze around and do absolutely nothing for a few hours, and that I don't have to rush to get things done in time for the next day (which pretty much summarizes my life during practicum). I like the freedom of having spare time to watch a movie, or to just get everything done at a leisurely pace (including ironing my clothes for the next week or tidying up my desk). I love being able to wake up AFTER 6, and then sleep some more if I feel like it. It's just...

Tomorrow I'll be entering the 6th week of practicum. Right now the bug of demotivation has hit me and I don't really feel like doing anything but listen to music and blog. Sometimes I wonder if these moments hit me because I've been depriving myself of the simple pleasures of life simply due to my crazy schedule. Like birth cravings, yannoe, the mother's body recognizes a deficiency of some vitamin or something and WANTS IT. Those musings aside, I feel like after I hit the fifth week of practicum, I started getting a handle on my pupils. They know me better now, and I definitely know them better. I'm tougher on them in terms of discipline nowadays, but there is a bond of affection between me and most of them. It's still difficult to motivate them to learn (well, they've been in the last class for some 3 years or so, it's kinda hard to unlearn unhealthy attitudes), but at least now I know what they like doing and I try to let them enjoy themselves even ...