In Motion

Praise God for answered prayers - Jasmine has finally found a new home. If all goes well, she'll be leaving us on the 14th (this Friday) to go to her new home out in the country.  I'm genuinely glad for her because this new home sounds like paradise. She'll have 4 acres of land to roam around in and a doting owner who'll love her to bits. And she won't have to compete for affection with another dog, too, because this owner's last dog passed away a few months ago. I've always felt that although she'd do okay in a home with another pet, Jasmine can be a bit of a diva and an attention-hog. =P It's all happening sooner than I'd thought it would, but I guess it's for the best. I had a good cry about this yesterday night, so here's hoping it's all out of my system now (I really don't want to start bawling my eyes out and make it awkward for everyone when it's time for her to go). I keep comforting myself with the fact that Jasmi...

I recently finished up my Coursera course and am in the process of waiting for it to be graded by someone from ASU. This also means that I'm not as busy as I used to be and need to fill my time with productive things again. Sigh. Another 3 more months of this (or more, depending on how long it takes me to secure a job in Malaysia). I hope I can stay sane and not waste my time on trivial pursuits. It's hard to refrain from judging myself on the days I spend hours reading some book or engaging in a hobby. =P And there are also those days where I feel like I haven't talked to people in a while and I should , but I don't WANT to, you know? Today is one of those days. Maybe it's just a mood that will pass, but while I'm waiting for it to pass, I should also do something meaningful with my time. Like watch some Tim Keller videos or something. =P It's funny how I can have a super productive morning and yet still feel like I'm wasting my time if I have a f...

I spent some time peer reviewing my Coursera coursemates today. That hour or so made me realize how much I hadn't mellowed down in work mode, not even after two years of lazing around. As I graded my fellow peers, some submissions triggered angry rants like "what on earth were you thinking?" and "how can someone submit something like this and still get so far in the course?". Of course my rants weren't just one-liners (they never are) - JW had to hear the whole tirade and my utter bewilderment at how grownups can't even follow simple instructions. An hour later while walking Jasmine, we were still discussing whether I was being a hard-ass or if my reviews were perfectly justified.  Mind you, this doesn't happen every time. I peer review some in my cohort every week when the course is running, but this time 3 out of 6 submissions had problems with them, and when you mark people down you have to provide an explanation and "constructive crit...

It's the second last day of the year, so I should write something poignant and sentimental here. (Anyone who knows me would probably snicker at the mention of "poignant" and "sentimental". =P) I won't lie: I get most of my impressions of the world from my Facebook feed. There goes my reputation for being objective and intellectual. xD Now, I know that my Facebook feed is skewed heavily by the data Facebook gets from things I tend to click on and post/repost/share, so it's not the most reliable or holistic indicator of what the world is like. Still, from impressions alone, I get the idea that most people think 2016 was a crash and burn type of year, not least due to the US election. If you ask me what I think, I'd like to share something that I read a long time ago first. I first came across this concept in a book by Pastor Rick Warren, but I couldn't find the exact quotation online so I settled for something similar he said in an interview....

Before I came over to the States, I virtually never had any problems with my teeth. Then I came over, turned 25, and my wisdom teeth started acting up. I now understand why teething babies can be so cranky. It's PAINFUL. It aches so much that sometimes I fantasize about extracting it, blood and gore and everything, and that would still be preferable to that ache that just throbs on and on. Someone give me a pacifier please. The worst part is that it recurs. It doesn't just happen once for all - depending on how long your tooth takes to erupt, it can go on for months (off and on, fortunately, or that'll be the death of me from starvation). So far it hasn't affected my eating habits yet, but I can see how it COULD if it gets any worse. I even took an ibuprofen for it last night, and it didn't help. Not kidding. Morphine, anyone? And then hor, my two upper wisdom teeth don't want to behave and come out straight. So what I have are wisdom teeth jutting out ...

After more than a year of sitting on my butt, I really want to start earning money and contribute to household expenses. It's not so much about the money as it is about filling time with productive activities. But to some extent, it's also about the money, because I can volunteer all day long but petrol costs money. So technically, I'm paying to volunteer. Which doesn't seem fair. It's illegal for me to work here, just so you know. But I've been trying my luck anyway. In the past few hours, I created a profile on a freelance work website hoping to get some petty cash. Not only did I seriously underestimate the number of people who are also broke and desperate for work, I also didn't account for how rigid employers can be. It's funny how I never run out of friends who need free help with editing and proofreading, but when it comes to paying jobs, people demand cover letters and proposals and bids and qualifications. It really doesn't help that I...

I've been keeping to myself lately, mainly because I just don't feel up to hanging out or scheduling playdates with friends. I'll probably just blame this mood on PMS and hope that it goes away soon. I guess I've been feeling a little .... sien , for lack of a better word to describe it. "Depressed" would be an exaggeration, "sad" doesn't quite meet the mark, and I'm definitely not "bored". Even when I'm home alone, there's always a whole list of chores to be done and sometimes, research and meal planning can take up an entire afternoon. =P I'm perpetually occupied, which is a good thing for my choleric dark side. What nags at me sometimes is whether I'm trying hard enough to reach out to others and maintain a healthy social network. The catch is that there are times I'd rather be alone. Don't get me wrong, I love having meaningful relationships and connecting with others. Too much isolation drives me cra...

Happiness is... the smell of dog. I kid you not. Sometimes, I actually pick up Jasmine's dog bed and sniff deeply to get a whiff of her doggy smell. Happiness is... when Jasmine obediently drops a bone she found on her adventures outside because I said "No". She picks her owner's happiness over instant gratification! Happiness is... a dog insistently nuzzling its way onto your lap and curling up to sleep there when you're watching Netflix or using the laptop. Happiness is...when there's a warm furry hot water bottle curled up against you during afternoon naps in the winter. Happiness is... being greeted by a wagging tail whenever you come home, or even something as simple as wake up from a nap. It is so affirming that someone is that eager for you to wake up. =P Happiness is... watching Jasmine bound swiftly and gracefully with her super long legs to chase a squirrel. The not-so-fun part is having to clean up the wet mud splattered all over her aft...

Bright, cheery sunshine certainly makes everything else in the world seem brighter and cheerier. On that note, it's mid December and the weather has been surprisingly pleasant - think 24 degrees Celsius last week, and right now it's still pretty warm (for December, that is). Checked the weather forecast for Christmas, and it's going to be 21 degrees Celsius! Every Malaysian's dream come true! =D And to think that just a month ago, it hit -1 degree Celsius. Uncanny, eh? Apparently the South fluctuates pretty unpredictably when it comes to the weather. Warm winters aren't all that uncommon, and I'm hoping this one stays warm for a longer time. It'd be a wonderful Christmas gift to have Malaysian-like weather instead of the bitter, dry cold. =D On another note, Jia Wern and I finally went to the library to get our library cards made! I wonder why I never thought of this earlier. Perhaps it's because e-books are cheap here and can be auto-delivered in...

I've been happily busy of late. "Busy" meaning I have appointments/dates with friends or volunteer gigs, not actually being productive and earning money. =P From last Friday through this Wednesday, I was on a roll. Until today. I was supposed to go for dog volunteer training at the Animal Protection Society of Durham, but I made a mistake, signed up for Dog Care at 10am and missed the actual volunteer training that started at 8.30am.  I wasted a whole trip there and back, and I iz sad, and nao I haz a lot of free tyme on mai handz. Went back home with my tail between my legs, checked my potted plant, watered it because I had too much time on my hands, and while I was trying to drain the excess water, accidentally dropped it and smashed the pot. Yes, when it rains, it absolutely pours. I'm telling ya, no plant (or animal, or human for that matter) is safe with Little Miss Clumsy. This little succulent garden cheated death once when we were moving to our pl...

What do you do when you're locked inside a quadriplegic's body and can only communicate by blinking one eye? How do you retain your humanity and perspective? This book spoke to me because there are times I feel useless, insignificant and lonely here. A job would provide me with a sense of purpose and productivity, but take that away and it can be challenging to define my worth. This real-life memoir of a paralyzed man is inspiring because his spirit never dies and his imagination soars to beautiful places even in the midst of trying circumstances. It also challenged my perspective of wasted time - if I don't make a significant difference in the two to three years I will be here, will it be wasted? Because if it is wasted, then the lives of quadriplegics and human vegetables are technically wasted as well. But we know nothing ever goes to waste in God's economy, and His ways are higher than our ways. Brings to mind a worship song: God I look to You I won't...

Sorry for the sudden influx of posts - I have so much to say and no one to ramble to (Jia Wern isn't really enough), so this is my outlet. Today's post will be about what I treasure most. It's good to know the core of your motivation or the purpose of doing whatever you're doing, because it can be a deciding factor in facing dilemmas. And recently, I've had to make a big decision, so it's all related. =P I love teaching, contributing and helping people. This is one of my core motivations for becoming a teacher, and my practicum experiences have only reinforced how much I love the profession. I believe everyone is here on earth to make a difference, and that I can do so by serving as a teacher. Deep relationships are another driving factor. I think what matters most at the end of my life will be my relationships with people, because relationships can change people and perspectives. There's something about the eternal value of a soul that makes it so pri...

Cleaning the house is a good way to take your mind off things. This is when my mild OCD kicks in and helps me to get absorbed in removing every little spot of grease on countertop (oh, there’s another one), and then moving on to yet another chore because it’s related to the area that I’m cleaning (might as well soak ‘em rags as well), to the point where my thoughts and emotions take a backseat for a while. Very useful if you don’t really wanna wallow in whatever confusing emotion you’re feeling. It’s also a good way to feel productive, especially because you’re relatively unproductive in comparison to your friends back home who will be starting work next week. Funny how my subconscious urges me to keep up with everyone else, even though my path is so different from theirs. Must be that deeply ingrained competitiveness spurring me on. As long as they were idle, I could be idle, but now that they've started to work, I have to…clean the house! That really sounded more reasona...

Today's post will be a mushy one. I am so glad that my first paper is over, because that just means I'm one step closer to 2nd December and being reunited with the husband. Don't really know how I did in the paper, but there are so many other exciting things to look forward to, so the happiness overshadows everything else. =D What, you may ask, am I looking forward to? Number one, I'm getting my hair permed before I leave for the States. In other words, a makeover - mostly because haircuts are expensive and a perm would save me a haircut for a loooooonnnnggggg time while still looking presentable. :P I always get excited by hair makeovers. That's the closest thing to a risk I enjoy taking. =P Number two, FINALLY GETTING MY STUDIES OVER AND DONE WITH. I've had enough of the education system I was subjected to, and I need a change of scenery. And I know I shouldn't be saying this, because I'm probably going to be in the system for the rest of my li...

My father always told me, "If you decide to be a teacher, you must be prepared to watch your friends surpass you in future. They will be earning big money as lawyers and engineers and doctors, while you're just a teacher, even though you were smarter than them in school. If you're ok with that, go ahead." I didn't have a problem with that. In fact, I still think I don't. I like teaching, and it's what I'm best at imo. So no, I don't want to be a pharmacist, or a doctor. I want to interact with students and be amused by their innocence. I want to utilize the public speaking skills I have, and inspire my students to learn. And I get a deep satisfaction out of that. I don't think money can change my mind that I'm best cut out for teaching. Lately, though, faced with the very real possibility that I might end up a housewife or with no career to speak of for a while - I found myself struggling with something along similar lines. It's o...

So. The long-awaited ( I HOPE) post about the wedding is finally here. Sorry for dropping off the edge of the world for the past few days, I've been busy. ;) Most of you know how much I dreaded the hassle of the wedding planning and the surveying and the decision-making and all things tedious, right? Well, I also didn't expect the actual wedding day to be much better since I'd have contacts in my eyes, makeup on my face, and be wearing pretty but uncomfy shoes for the whole of SIX (6) or more *winces* hours. All my fault, really, since I wanted an outdoor photoshoot on the same day (because I didn't want a pre-wed photoshoot or yet ANOTHER makeup and dress up session). =P The pleasantly surprising thing was, I had more fun than I ever expected to have, mainly because of the company. It was only at the wedding that I realized how much I had missed human interaction and socializing. Jia Wern's crazy St Jo gang even came up with a hashtag for the wedding : sixpoi...

Lately I've been a confusing muddle of feelings, and not many of them positive. It's just one month to the wedding, and I know you may think it's weird that I'm feeling this way. I should be walking on air, or at least excited that I'm entering a whole new phase of life, right? And there's going to be this pretty wedding that people are going to come for and celebrate with me and Jia Wern, so what's there to NOT be happy about? I'll start from the beginning, and try not to confuse you as much as I am confused. All my life, I haven't been a very social person. I can count the number of really close friends I have on one hand, and that includes Rene, who is technically a family member. My relationship with Jia Wern is something not many people are privy to, since we only started when he was over there, and I was still here. We have hardly any mutual friends, and practically none who know us well enough to make an excellent, balanced wedding speec...

Today, I want to make a list of things I love about my soon-to-be husband (4 months is soon lah!), lest I forget one day when I'm mad at him. =P I love how calm and patient he is with everyone and everything. His accepting spirit makes me feel safe and assured of my worth no matter what I do wrong. I love how he's so considerate, and treats me like a gentleman would. Chivalry never gets old. <3 I love how these qualities are part of his character, and extends to people around him as well. I'm not afraid that this is just the "honeymoon" stage that will disappear soon after marriage. I love how we share the same ideas about what's sensible and practical. I love how he listens to me and supports me because he knows I need it. I love the way he adapts to my habits without complaining, and even seems glad to do it. I love how he's not possessive, and trusts me. I love that I can trust him too. I love how smart he is, and I love how it doe...

I. Am. Loving. It. When I hear stories of what my other friends are going through, I thank God over and over again for letting me come to SK Rasah Jaya together with Deborah and Josephine. And I also pray that God will give them the strength to endure the next 12 weeks until the end of practicum and the internship. With the Action Research that we have to do this year as well, the last thing you want to deal with is a difficult school with plenty of demands. I can't wait to start teaching, although I still feel some inertia after so many months of not writing super long lesson plans. It's probably going to be fun. =)

"The one thing you can't take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one's freedoms is to choose one's attitude in any given circumstance."  - Viktor E. Frankl 4.5 years ago, I began my training. It was a rough start with conflicts and clashes because my philosophy of life did not (and still does not) match the culture here. I value intelligence, efficiency and knowledge - people here value seniority above all else. "Because I'm your superior" is an inadequate justification, especially if it's about a gap in knowledge or the way things were run less than efficiently. Nobody rocked the boat except me, and I was singled out as a thorn in the flesh by the department. I ended up distrusting the department and everyone in it. Everyone had their own agenda, and when it came to the bottom line, nobody would side a student. After all I would be gone in 5 years, but they had to keep working with their colleagues...