Matters of the Heart
Today I had an interesting conversation with a guy after church.
He was graduating this year and planning to marry his long-term girlfriend in four years' time. When I asked why he wanted to wait that long, he said it was because of financial reasons - he wanted children straight away and he needed to make sure that he had enough money to support a family first.
I've heard this argument quite a bit, with variations here and there.Waiting for a better location, for a better job, etc.
And I disagree, for the following reasons (please don't read this in my judgmental tone =P, I'm trying to be logical, and I'm speaking from experience here) :
1. Girls usually don't want to wait THAT long for a statement of commitment, especially if you've graduated and started working already.
2. There's no guarantee she's going to stick around for another four years. It might not be her problem - you may find out that you're growing in separate directions, or life may throw you a curveball. There's really no telling, you may end up breaking up, and then kids/finances will be the least of your concerns.
3. It is unfair to make a girl wait 4 years because her market value decreases with every passing year. If you're serious about it, at least get engaged so she doesn't have to be afraid that she's not keeping her options open. But bear in mind, you can also break up if the engagement is a long one.
4. Now you may say, why do I assume a breakup? Well, if you're working, it's likely that one of you might get a job offer that separates you in terms of location, but has good returns and other awesome benefits. In situations like these, when there is no statement of commitment, is it reasonable to ask the other person to give up their career for you? But if the other person goes ahead, it might affect your relationship because not everyone can handle a long-distance relationship. Dilemmas.
So yeah, I think if you're in love and you're good for each other, and there are no other concerns (differences in religion or values) except financial ones, you should go ahead and get married. Finances and kids should be secondary, not primary concerns.
The fourth point is especially close to my heart because of my current situation. 5 years ago, I didn't go for an easier path that would have complicated matters less, and now I have to face the consequences of paying back a bond. But like Jia Wern said, and I quote, " Back then we weren't married, and we couldn't put each other first. But we can now."
To those of you who are in this "I want to marry her but not right now" situation, I would advise you to have a good, long, honest talk with your significant other about what you both feel. In my opinion, most girls want to get married ; they just don't want to seem demanding or pushy about it. If you really love her, see a future with her and want to put her happiness first, then do consider the aforementioned points.
If you DON'T want to get married or can't see a future with her, stop playing games already. =.=
He was graduating this year and planning to marry his long-term girlfriend in four years' time. When I asked why he wanted to wait that long, he said it was because of financial reasons - he wanted children straight away and he needed to make sure that he had enough money to support a family first.
I've heard this argument quite a bit, with variations here and there.Waiting for a better location, for a better job, etc.
And I disagree, for the following reasons (please don't read this in my judgmental tone =P, I'm trying to be logical, and I'm speaking from experience here) :
1. Girls usually don't want to wait THAT long for a statement of commitment, especially if you've graduated and started working already.
2. There's no guarantee she's going to stick around for another four years. It might not be her problem - you may find out that you're growing in separate directions, or life may throw you a curveball. There's really no telling, you may end up breaking up, and then kids/finances will be the least of your concerns.
3. It is unfair to make a girl wait 4 years because her market value decreases with every passing year. If you're serious about it, at least get engaged so she doesn't have to be afraid that she's not keeping her options open. But bear in mind, you can also break up if the engagement is a long one.
4. Now you may say, why do I assume a breakup? Well, if you're working, it's likely that one of you might get a job offer that separates you in terms of location, but has good returns and other awesome benefits. In situations like these, when there is no statement of commitment, is it reasonable to ask the other person to give up their career for you? But if the other person goes ahead, it might affect your relationship because not everyone can handle a long-distance relationship. Dilemmas.
So yeah, I think if you're in love and you're good for each other, and there are no other concerns (differences in religion or values) except financial ones, you should go ahead and get married. Finances and kids should be secondary, not primary concerns.
The fourth point is especially close to my heart because of my current situation. 5 years ago, I didn't go for an easier path that would have complicated matters less, and now I have to face the consequences of paying back a bond. But like Jia Wern said, and I quote, " Back then we weren't married, and we couldn't put each other first. But we can now."
To those of you who are in this "I want to marry her but not right now" situation, I would advise you to have a good, long, honest talk with your significant other about what you both feel. In my opinion, most girls want to get married ; they just don't want to seem demanding or pushy about it. If you really love her, see a future with her and want to put her happiness first, then do consider the aforementioned points.
If you DON'T want to get married or can't see a future with her, stop playing games already. =.=
Comments
Post a Comment