Let's talk.
When people find out that JW and I have been in a long-distance relationship (LDR) for 6 years, there are 2 types of reactions I usually get :
1) Wow how DID you guys do that?
My standard reply is that you just do. Like how everyone thinks cancer survivors are so strong and stuff - I think when things happen, you just go through it because you don't have any other choice but to survive. And after a while it becomes the default, the new normal. I also don't think an LDR is anywhere near an affliction like cancer, so it's not THAT hard to keep it up as long as both parties are committed. Granted, there WERE tough times and rough patches and we came close to breaking up, but I think all relationships go through that, even if due to other factors.
2) But you guys are so far apart so there must be fewer things to fight about.
Okay. I know my previous paragraph makes an LDR sound simple and straightforward, and like it's nothing to marvel about. But that doesn't mean LDRs are EASIER than short-distance relationships. You have pros, you have cons. When you are in an LDR, sure you don't fight about where to go for dinner. But if you DO fight about something, it's harder to resolve because you can't just kiss and make up. SDR couples have the privilege of fighting over every little thing they want because at the end of the day, you'll still see that person (by virtue of proximity) and maybe he'll try to make up for it by treating you special. Or just pull you into his arms and kiss you and then the irritation can dissolve into happy giggles. Can't say the same for an LDR couple. Due to the time zone differences, we couldn't always resolve our differences "before the sun went down". Hence, conflicts could drag on anywhere from a day to a week or even longer, depending on how much we wanted or chose to communicate. No surprises or elaborate apologies with flowers and cake, just nitty-gritty conversation and working things through. I must say, though, that LDRs really hone communication skills. So maybe every couple should go through 1 or 2 years of LDRs before getting married to see if they can make it in the long run. =P
So yes, I agree there are fewer things to fight about, but I do not agree with the condescending tone behind this statement. I'd also like to think that even if we HAD been in an SDR, we wouldn't have fought over petty things. I know friends who fight about things like reporting to their bfs about their whereabouts, or who they hang out with and stuff. So if THAT'S what couples normally fight about, I don't think it'd apply to us. Reporting? I like my freedom tqvm, and JW has never tried to tie me down. I guess now's the time to test whether we'll fight more frequently, since I'm stuck with him for a while.
But so far it's just been pure bliss, so ask me again in another six months. =P
1) Wow how DID you guys do that?
My standard reply is that you just do. Like how everyone thinks cancer survivors are so strong and stuff - I think when things happen, you just go through it because you don't have any other choice but to survive. And after a while it becomes the default, the new normal. I also don't think an LDR is anywhere near an affliction like cancer, so it's not THAT hard to keep it up as long as both parties are committed. Granted, there WERE tough times and rough patches and we came close to breaking up, but I think all relationships go through that, even if due to other factors.
2) But you guys are so far apart so there must be fewer things to fight about.
Okay. I know my previous paragraph makes an LDR sound simple and straightforward, and like it's nothing to marvel about. But that doesn't mean LDRs are EASIER than short-distance relationships. You have pros, you have cons. When you are in an LDR, sure you don't fight about where to go for dinner. But if you DO fight about something, it's harder to resolve because you can't just kiss and make up. SDR couples have the privilege of fighting over every little thing they want because at the end of the day, you'll still see that person (by virtue of proximity) and maybe he'll try to make up for it by treating you special. Or just pull you into his arms and kiss you and then the irritation can dissolve into happy giggles. Can't say the same for an LDR couple. Due to the time zone differences, we couldn't always resolve our differences "before the sun went down". Hence, conflicts could drag on anywhere from a day to a week or even longer, depending on how much we wanted or chose to communicate. No surprises or elaborate apologies with flowers and cake, just nitty-gritty conversation and working things through. I must say, though, that LDRs really hone communication skills. So maybe every couple should go through 1 or 2 years of LDRs before getting married to see if they can make it in the long run. =P
So yes, I agree there are fewer things to fight about, but I do not agree with the condescending tone behind this statement. I'd also like to think that even if we HAD been in an SDR, we wouldn't have fought over petty things. I know friends who fight about things like reporting to their bfs about their whereabouts, or who they hang out with and stuff. So if THAT'S what couples normally fight about, I don't think it'd apply to us. Reporting? I like my freedom tqvm, and JW has never tried to tie me down. I guess now's the time to test whether we'll fight more frequently, since I'm stuck with him for a while.
But so far it's just been pure bliss, so ask me again in another six months. =P
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