Musings on my social network.
I've been keeping to myself lately, mainly because I just don't feel up to hanging out or scheduling playdates with friends. I'll probably just blame this mood on PMS and hope that it goes away soon.
I guess I've been feeling a little ....sien, for lack of a better word to describe it. "Depressed" would be an exaggeration, "sad" doesn't quite meet the mark, and I'm definitely not "bored". Even when I'm home alone, there's always a whole list of chores to be done and sometimes, research and meal planning can take up an entire afternoon. =P I'm perpetually occupied, which is a good thing for my choleric dark side.
What nags at me sometimes is whether I'm trying hard enough to reach out to others and maintain a healthy social network. The catch is that there are times I'd rather be alone. Don't get me wrong, I love having meaningful relationships and connecting with others. Too much isolation drives me crazy too. However, my introverted side likes time and space for myself as well. It doesn't help that my philosophy of forming friendships is oriented towards deep, genuine and lasting relationships - the kind that, while I'm here, I'll probably have a really hard time finding. How do you create strong bonds when everyone's leaving in a year or two, including myself? What makes it harder is that everyone has their own lives at this point - studies, spouses, work, kids are all priorities that get in the way. Also, having no common interest such as work or projects to socialize around, oftentimes meetups can be awkward if there aren't any activities/events planned for them. I'd go so far as to liken them to blind dates where you don't know the other person very well, but are hoping to hit it off and get to know each other better. And what if you don't schedule another date, not because it didn't go well, but because you don't know how else to engage the other person? Would it send across the message that you're just not interested?
How I miss the days when I could just hang out with friends in a dorm room and talk for hours on end without worrying about every last detail. In fact, part of the reason I think I could never be a housewife for an extended period of time would be the social isolation.
All of the above is hardly a good excuse for me to stop trying, but it can be discouraging. I've always taken for granted that friendships should form naturally and effortlessly, but I've never really expected to be unemployed and have very little in common with the people around me. That's why I'm grateful for the clubs that I'm a part of like the Vocabulary Club and Ihouse Spouses. At least those are legit reasons to, once a week, socialize around a theme or topic. Still, those are very surface interactions and you don't really get to know people until you spend more time with them individually. And that takes putting myself out there, forging through the awkward moments, and having faith that God uses these times of discomfort to mold me into His likeness, for His glory.
...But for now, I'll just hole up at home until this phase passes.
I guess I've been feeling a little ....sien, for lack of a better word to describe it. "Depressed" would be an exaggeration, "sad" doesn't quite meet the mark, and I'm definitely not "bored". Even when I'm home alone, there's always a whole list of chores to be done and sometimes, research and meal planning can take up an entire afternoon. =P I'm perpetually occupied, which is a good thing for my choleric dark side.
What nags at me sometimes is whether I'm trying hard enough to reach out to others and maintain a healthy social network. The catch is that there are times I'd rather be alone. Don't get me wrong, I love having meaningful relationships and connecting with others. Too much isolation drives me crazy too. However, my introverted side likes time and space for myself as well. It doesn't help that my philosophy of forming friendships is oriented towards deep, genuine and lasting relationships - the kind that, while I'm here, I'll probably have a really hard time finding. How do you create strong bonds when everyone's leaving in a year or two, including myself? What makes it harder is that everyone has their own lives at this point - studies, spouses, work, kids are all priorities that get in the way. Also, having no common interest such as work or projects to socialize around, oftentimes meetups can be awkward if there aren't any activities/events planned for them. I'd go so far as to liken them to blind dates where you don't know the other person very well, but are hoping to hit it off and get to know each other better. And what if you don't schedule another date, not because it didn't go well, but because you don't know how else to engage the other person? Would it send across the message that you're just not interested?
How I miss the days when I could just hang out with friends in a dorm room and talk for hours on end without worrying about every last detail. In fact, part of the reason I think I could never be a housewife for an extended period of time would be the social isolation.
All of the above is hardly a good excuse for me to stop trying, but it can be discouraging. I've always taken for granted that friendships should form naturally and effortlessly, but I've never really expected to be unemployed and have very little in common with the people around me. That's why I'm grateful for the clubs that I'm a part of like the Vocabulary Club and Ihouse Spouses. At least those are legit reasons to, once a week, socialize around a theme or topic. Still, those are very surface interactions and you don't really get to know people until you spend more time with them individually. And that takes putting myself out there, forging through the awkward moments, and having faith that God uses these times of discomfort to mold me into His likeness, for His glory.
...But for now, I'll just hole up at home until this phase passes.
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