(Dis)contentment

I've never thought of myself as discontented. I love being alive and I like to think I'm aware of the many blessings God has showered upon me, both spiritual and physical. 

Recently, though, I've noticed a thought pattern that threatens my contentment. It's so subtle and sneaky and enjoyable to wallow in that I very nearly didn't catch it. With big changes to our lives coming up soon, JW and I have been discussing and planning for our future more, and job prospects in particular are exciting to think about. Along with that comes the thought of the real salary for both of us, and along with that thought comes:

Phew. We won't have to scrimp and save forever. At some point I'll be able to buy nice clothes and eat out at places that cost more than a grand total of $10 for BOTH of us.

And then it inevitably morphs into:

Well, not really. We'll need to get a car, a place to stay, the cost of living in Malaysia is so high, and we'll need to start saving for our kids because diapers and daycare aren't cheap. When WILL we be able to live without worrying about our finances? 10, 20 years down the road? 

Then I feel frustrated because I feel like my hands are tied. I think it's also due to the accumulated stress of having to survive on one paycheck for the past 2 years while having this dream where one day, I'll be able to have a nice house with nice furniture, and have nice clothes and be a..proper grownup. You know, like a young, well-groomed, successful, single and childless professional. Maybe I'm more of a millennial than I'd like to admit, but when everyone around you seems to be living that life, it's hard not to envy them.

And tada, there you have it: Discontentment. God still has a long way to go with me and my pet idols. May I one day be able to say, like Paul,
"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:12-13 (NIV)

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