Treasures

Sorry for the sudden influx of posts - I have so much to say and no one to ramble to (Jia Wern isn't really enough), so this is my outlet.

Today's post will be about what I treasure most. It's good to know the core of your motivation or the purpose of doing whatever you're doing, because it can be a deciding factor in facing dilemmas. And recently, I've had to make a big decision, so it's all related. =P

I love teaching, contributing and helping people. This is one of my core motivations for becoming a teacher, and my practicum experiences have only reinforced how much I love the profession. I believe everyone is here on earth to make a difference, and that I can do so by serving as a teacher.

Deep relationships are another driving factor. I think what matters most at the end of my life will be my relationships with people, because relationships can change people and perspectives. There's something about the eternal value of a soul that makes it so priceless.  It's also why I tend to protect my relationships fiercely - I fight for them to be sincere and pure. Ironically, it's also why I tend to give up easily on people whom I feel I cannot trust. If I become distant all of a sudden, it's probably not unintentional. This is one of my flaws that I need to work on - more love and grace, May!

The "deep relationships" point also includes dating (since that's the deepest you can go), so you can understand why I took my relationship with JW so seriously that we ended up handcuffing each other to ourselves. I mean, getting married. Same difference. =P

I also value stability in that I wouldn't be happy moving around a lot in my life. I just want to settle down and stay in the same home for...ever and not be separated from my family for any length of time. So I'd love to have that if possible. Government jobs do offer a great deal of stability, I guess.

Self-development and growth is another motivating factor to me. If I get to have a more well-rounded outlook from the activities I take part in, it's a real plus point for me. Probably explains why I like reading novels that explore different vocations/ people with different viewpoints. I also feel like I could grow a lot in the church here - there's an uncanny sense of belonging to the small group. I'm definitely looking forward to deepening my faith and getting involved in outreach and the like.

So you can see what the dilemma was : Going back, teaching, and getting a stable job in a good location; or staying with my husband, nurturing our marriage and enriching myself with two years' worth of experience abroad.

The catch is that there might be a penalty of 30k USD to pay back if I choose the latter, but money was never a determining factor to us. It's a big factor, nonetheless, considering we don't have that kind of money yet. But I like what Jameson said about this: "You make money to get the things that matter to you; you don't give up the things that matter to you for money."

So with that, I decided it would be JW, nurturing our marriage, and enriching myself by living abroad. I'll consider the 30k USD as the price to pay for two years of a charmed life.

You can't both have your cake and eat it.

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