Entitlement
I really think Facebook isn't the best place to get advice on life and relationships from.
By "advice", I mean shared pictures that go "Fake friends do this, real friends do that", or "A real guy will do this, not that", or some pithy quotes/links that go viral ('viral' meaning more than 2 people sharing it on your Facebook newsfeed, of course). Or could it be that my newsfeed has a higher proportion of these things than other people's newsfeeds? *shrugs*
Angsty teens sharing such quotes or 'wisdom' can be overlooked because we all know how tumultuous and dramatic teenage life can be. For all us older folks, though, we should know better that life can't be neatly categorized into black and white, right and wrong, true and false, and so on. Case in point : Friends can't be categorized into just "real" and "fake" - there may be acquaintances who may genuinely like you but wouldn't dream of stealing your food from the fridge, or considerate close friends who return stuff they borrow. And then there are about a few dozen other categories like "acquaintances you work together with", "close friends you don't work together with", "activity partners", "friends whom you have deep talks with but only speak to once in a blue moon"...
I especially take issue on the sayings that talk about how men should behave if they're "real" men. Girls, I know you want a guy who treats you like a princess and never play video games or choose to hang out with his buddies over you. And also be spontaneous and romantic and be well-built. #relationshipgoals
And I'm not saying that you should just settle for the first guy who makes a decent living, looks pleasant enough, and treats you well enough. I'm saying that these quotes and links and mindsets feed our entitlement complex, and there is something very wrong with that. First of all, we don't deserve anything. When men say what they want in women, we consider that degrading and objectifying. But women can objectify men too by seeing men as people put on earth to please them. Secondly, we have unrealistic, contradictory expectations that we feel entitled to. If you think you're entitled to a man who is his own person, mind-blowing chemistry, considerate treatment, and spontaneous romance, then you'll be sorely disappointed. Let me show you how it can be very contradictory :
#1 You want a man who can think for himself and is mature and independent? Then expect him to not wait on you hand and foot. Expect him to have opinions and disagree with your 'correct' philosophies.
#2 You want someone adventurous, outgoing and fun-loving? Then expect him to play video games, party and hang out with friends even if it means excluding you for a period of time.
#3 You want a man who leads you in all aspects of life? Then don't sulk if he doesn't naturally ask where you want to go for dinner, or if he overrides your opinion on how best to get things done.
I'm not defending habits/traits that aren't healthy for a relationship, and I'm certainly not saying that relationships can't change people. What I'm trying to say here is that no perfect man or relationship exists. And the sooner you stop believing quotes about what "real men" or "real friends" do and drop that entitlement complex, the better it will be for you and your future family life. You see, if you think you snagged the perfect catch, but after a while he starts to voice his own dissenting opinion, you'll think your relationship has gone wrong and that you deserve better. What if he genuinely cares about you, but always forgets that you like surprises and gifts, or is really bad at being spontaneous? You deserve better, right?
Nope.
By "advice", I mean shared pictures that go "Fake friends do this, real friends do that", or "A real guy will do this, not that", or some pithy quotes/links that go viral ('viral' meaning more than 2 people sharing it on your Facebook newsfeed, of course). Or could it be that my newsfeed has a higher proportion of these things than other people's newsfeeds? *shrugs*
Angsty teens sharing such quotes or 'wisdom' can be overlooked because we all know how tumultuous and dramatic teenage life can be. For all us older folks, though, we should know better that life can't be neatly categorized into black and white, right and wrong, true and false, and so on. Case in point : Friends can't be categorized into just "real" and "fake" - there may be acquaintances who may genuinely like you but wouldn't dream of stealing your food from the fridge, or considerate close friends who return stuff they borrow. And then there are about a few dozen other categories like "acquaintances you work together with", "close friends you don't work together with", "activity partners", "friends whom you have deep talks with but only speak to once in a blue moon"...
I especially take issue on the sayings that talk about how men should behave if they're "real" men. Girls, I know you want a guy who treats you like a princess and never play video games or choose to hang out with his buddies over you. And also be spontaneous and romantic and be well-built. #relationshipgoals
And I'm not saying that you should just settle for the first guy who makes a decent living, looks pleasant enough, and treats you well enough. I'm saying that these quotes and links and mindsets feed our entitlement complex, and there is something very wrong with that. First of all, we don't deserve anything. When men say what they want in women, we consider that degrading and objectifying. But women can objectify men too by seeing men as people put on earth to please them. Secondly, we have unrealistic, contradictory expectations that we feel entitled to. If you think you're entitled to a man who is his own person, mind-blowing chemistry, considerate treatment, and spontaneous romance, then you'll be sorely disappointed. Let me show you how it can be very contradictory :
#1 You want a man who can think for himself and is mature and independent? Then expect him to not wait on you hand and foot. Expect him to have opinions and disagree with your 'correct' philosophies.
#2 You want someone adventurous, outgoing and fun-loving? Then expect him to play video games, party and hang out with friends even if it means excluding you for a period of time.
#3 You want a man who leads you in all aspects of life? Then don't sulk if he doesn't naturally ask where you want to go for dinner, or if he overrides your opinion on how best to get things done.
I'm not defending habits/traits that aren't healthy for a relationship, and I'm certainly not saying that relationships can't change people. What I'm trying to say here is that no perfect man or relationship exists. And the sooner you stop believing quotes about what "real men" or "real friends" do and drop that entitlement complex, the better it will be for you and your future family life. You see, if you think you snagged the perfect catch, but after a while he starts to voice his own dissenting opinion, you'll think your relationship has gone wrong and that you deserve better. What if he genuinely cares about you, but always forgets that you like surprises and gifts, or is really bad at being spontaneous? You deserve better, right?
Nope.
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