In Motion

It's been a somewhat crazy day, starting from church in the morning, Uncle Baru's place for lunch, home for an hour-long chat with the boyfriend, Nish's place for post-lunch, and finally the airport for Rachelle. At 3pm, I headed home to crash until 6pm, and had dinner at Fook Xing after with the family. Dad called to order the food in the car at 6.30, said we'd be there by 7, and at 6.45 the person who took the order called back to ask if we were there already because the food was ready to be served. Good thing we were already looking for a parking space at that time! From left : Signature Tofu (top), Midin belacan (bottom), Szechuan soup (middle), Mani chai with egg (top right), Sweet and sour pork (bottom left). And vinegar in a bowl but that's not important. *For whoever's interested, Fook Xing is located at some obscure building in Jalan Sekama just opposite the famous kolo mee stall. Anyway, we decided to make this year's Christmas a little...

Jesus is the reason for the season. Merry Christmas, everyone. I'm still grappling with the knowledge that He is the ultimate source of true joy, and the sadness I feel because someone I care about is hurting. Where do you draw the line between empathy and joy despite the circumstances?

I think if you ask anyone to describe me, the adjective 'insecure' wouldn't cross their minds at all. Even I wouldn't describe myself as that - there are just too many other wonderful things I could say about myself. Besides, the heat I radiate as a result of the friction between my feet and the ground as I briskly stride past displays an aura of confidence, doesn't it? =P So I wonder when it was that I started thinking I wasn't good enough. When I was younger, I didn't think I was pretty. I was being really objective about it too - I was chubby, kept short hair, my eyes are still as monolid and small as ever, and everything about my appearance was just... ordinary . My benchmark was probably all those girls with double-eyelids and long hair done up in all sorts of ribbons. Whatever it was, I knew I wasn't pretty - but at that time, it was okay . That's because I could always fall back to my intelligence (or rather, just good grades) and charism...

The other day, I read a devotional book for married couples. No, I'm not getting ahead of myself here, I just like to read stuff about relationships and it so happened to be in my dad's library and it had many stories of couples...now why am I getting defensive, there's really nothing wrong with reading stuff like that. =P So don't judge me. *glares* The point I was trying to make before I interrupted myself to justify my taste in books * deep breath * was that I was a bit discouraged by all the possible conflict factors that might arise after marriage. I'm a bit (okay a lot) of a pessimistic perfectionist by nature, so I like things to run smoothly, not least when it comes to my own relationship.Given a choice, I would like to make all the right decisions, meet Mr Right, be Missus Right, live a comfortable life with enough money to get by, have non-rebellious children (* sigh * this one's probably wishful thinking) and just have a happy, satisfying life in ...

The title of the post says exactly what it means - I hate camps. I've never really liked camps, even when I was a teen. Hmm that sounds rather cool, being able to say that I was a teen, implying that I'm not a teen anymore. But back to the topic. Camps bring out the fear of the unknown (and known) in me. Something about being outside your element gives you a sense of insecurity...Case in point : you never really know how many shirts/shorts/pairs of underwear to pack for camp, do you? Why? Because you NEVER know what might happen, and if anything happens, you're too far removed from civilization to do anything about it - especially if you're on your period * winces *. Just in case that isn't a strong enough point on its own, allow me to expound on four things I absolutely dread about camping. #1 Hygiene, hygiene, hygiene. Or the lack of it. When in camp, hygiene is definitely NOT a priority. You never really feel clean in camp, partly 'cause you never ...

This mayen't be the gospel truth, but for what it's worth, this article confirms something all of you probably already know : I've always been 55+ mentally, if not physically. =P http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2247988/The-perfect-man-DOES-exist--fact-FIVE-types-there.html

I used to think that doing the right thing will eventually pay off; that deep down, people do appreciate integrity and kindness, even if they might not like you being a goody-two-shoes at first. If they really don't, it's a problem with their hearts, and I just do what's right by God. After all, Matthew 10:28 reads : "And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear Him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell." But sometimes, when good intentions go to waste or backfire (again and again), it can be so easy to get discouraged. Like, why love and care for someone when they keep wringing your heart into little pieces? It's so much easier to be detached or removed from the situation, or to maybe put that person in his/her place with a harsh word. I think I do a fine job of speaking the truth, but maybe I haven't gotten the loving tone down pat, so I won't say I can speak the truth in love just yet. The...

You stretch and stretch overconfident of youthful idealism But with every stretch The limit decreases The wounds cut deeper And tiny pieces of the heart are lost forever. Love we must but the stretch marks stay barely visible but permanent.

Remember how I said I was terribly unskilled at arts and crafts activities? Well, I think I may have exaggerated. Or maybe I'm just feeling proud of myself for creating some decent-looking stuff. Which, by my standard, is miraculous in itself. Aunty Geok Ming invited me over for some beading, so I had her entire stash to play with. Took a long time to get started because my lack of vision + poor aesthetic judgment was terribly crippling. BUT HEY, enough down-grading. You be the judge. Would you pay for these? (Please only answer if it's "yes" otherwise I will delete your comment =P) Oooooohh shiny.......

So I've been pestering Rene to try out this blood donation thing that I've been doing since my 18th birthday, and since dad was gonna run errands near Sarawak General Hospital yesterday, I saw my golden opportunity. *evil grin* Community service advert here : If you're legally 18 (& above), not on serious medication, not pregnant/having your period, don't have a  history of drug abuse, and weigh more than 45 kg, do consider donating  one of your kidneys blood at the SGH blood bank. And don't use the lack of parking spaces as an excuse not to, the new building for the blood bank (near the mortuary) even has THREE (3) parking spaces marked "STRICTLY FOR BLOOD DONORS ONLY". Whee for convenience! It's way more convenient to go straight to the hospital (compared to waiting for a blood donation drive at some supermarket) because the likelihood of a queue is next to 0. Dad hasn't been donating blood for a long time now because the last he tried...

He's even packed up his trusty pillow (PILLOW!!!!!). Guess that means he ain't planning to come back to Malaysia in the near future. =P Kinda sad for all of us, almost as if we weren't built to withstand the pain of  separation. Mum and dad have been missing him since a week ago. XD Maybe that's why an overseas education has never really been in the horizon for any of us. Ray just got lucky. Oh well. Hope England doesn't like you so you can come back home to work. =P

Visual art is so not my thing. Never was, never will be. I'm just too un-visually gifted to think of art as anything more than the bane of my existence. It is at best, a chore; at worst, a dreadful trial. So I don't know if it's natural or what, but I have an immense amount of respect for those who see arts and crafts activities as an enjoyable pastime. You know, those people who have a natural flair for creating pretty things or spaces or have gorgeous interior decorating. When I look at a pretty handmade card, the first thought that comes to mind is : what an awful lot of work! How many hours did this take? All those craft utensils can't be cheap. How talented. Okay maybe that's more than one thought. I think quickly. =P By the way, I also highly appreciate hard work and effort. Sometimes I wish I was more gifted. One's never contented. =P

Heard this oldie in church. =) Lyrics :  Is your burden heavy as you bear it all alone Does the road you travel harbor dangers yet unknown Are you growing weary in the struggle of it all Jesus will help you when on His name you call He is always there hearing every prayer faithful and true Walking by our side in His love we hide all the day through When you get discouraged just remember what to do Reach out to Jesus He's reach-ing out to you Is the life you're living filled with sorrow and despair Does the future press you with its worries and its care Are you tired and friendless have you almost lost your way Jesus will help you just call on Him today I said to reach out to Jesus He's reach-ing out to you Source : http://www.classic-country-song-lyrics.com/reachouttoJesuslyricschords.html

My heart wants to do what's right. When what's right isn't clear, I want to do what's right for myself. What's right for myself usually isn't right for others, like walking away. Desertion. Abandonment.  Because I know if I stay, I'll only get more hurt. I feel the need to walk away to protect my heart.  And preserve whatever isn't destructed yet in a potentially explosive future.

Yesterday, dad showed me the mysterious inner workings of...wait for it...the car. He's given the same lecture on basic car maintenance about 3 or 4 times previously, but I can never remember how to do all these hands on stuff. I have a terrible memory for visual stuff, and an almost non-existent ability to visualize stuff, so yeah. This time, I went out armed with a piece of paper and a pen - to sketch the various little parts that I had to take note of. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to guess how ugly my sketch was. Will my knight in shining armour just marry me quickly so I don't have to learn all these? =P ...On an entirely unrelated note, I wonder if mechanics would go for someone like me. Hmm.

This holiday is the best ever. Except for Rene, 'cause she still has classes. Heehee. That aside, she's been woken up at 7 something regularly for breakfast with her beloved sister and daddy and mummy. She hates waking up so early, but family ties have to be maintained k? I'm doing this for the good of our family. =P Mum has been watching a Korean series called "Miss Ripley Whom I Loved". Think she's finished it already, so she's moved on to listening to an audio series on Church History. Dad started her on it. Dad? He's been singing Mandarin worship songs all day every day  in an effort to learn scripture and biblical terms in Mandarin. And listening to the audio series on Church History. Still as enthusiastic as ever about learning new things at his age. He even wanted to drag me to a Praise Dance session at Good News Fellowship, but it was cancelled this Sunday. I'm having fun lazing around, finishing up my episodes of Drop Dead Diva and...

I grew up in a middle-class family where thriftiness is prized. Mum and dad set a good example, what can I say? =P Anything to put the blame on them . Anyway, my point is... I like getting good deals, and utilizing purchases to the maximum. In fact, the cheaper something is, and the more I use it, the more satisfaction I get out of that purchase. ...Which is also probably one of the reasons I don't mind Rene wearing my dresses/skirts/blouses/whatever she wants. Showing up in a dress others have seen before on Rene? Not a problem for me either. I mean, who cares. We're sisters, what looks good on me probably looks better on her. ;) Below is a list of things which have lasted for YEARS, cost only a bit, and have been properly utilized to the maximum: 1. My Camel Mountain hiking bag No, I don't hike (unless forced to), in case you were wondering. Mum bought this way back in 2009 when I first had to go over to KL. Cost approx RM 60. I've used it numerous times - pr...

Yesterday night while I was lining up the clothes, I asked Lara to come out and accompany me. So she did, meandering around aimlessly. Nothing caught her attention but she just pottered around investigating random stuff until I was done. Once I finished lining up the clothes, she casually strolled beside me and followed me into the house again. I think she really just wanted to accompany me. <3

Do you know how terrible it is to crave some food item, knowing full well that you can't have it in the immediate future? I do. It's particularly annoying/depressing/frustrating when I'm supposed to be concentrating on my studies because it's exam season, and the only available food is cafe food. To make things worse, my roommate shares my longings and we usually end up discussing our sad, sad life instead, intensifying our depression. *sigh* It's also odd that I feel these cravings unusually strongly when I'm prepping for exams. Perhaps it's my brain protesting all that mental labour. Hmm. That, was just the long-winded introduction to how I have been indulging myself in good-sized portions of good food back home in Kuching. Had to justify my gluttony, hence the pitiful tale wrought with emotion. =P I think my tummy is bulging a little more than usual, but I'll probably lose all that fat when I get back to Nilai and have nothing but cucumbers and s...

I used to go on self-improvement projects in the past. It's a legit hobby okay. =P Now, I've learnt to accept and love what I cannot change about myself. I will never be a demure, soft-spoken, 'anything goes' kinda person, no matter how hard I try to. And I don't mind anymore, because everything has a flip side, including so-called more attractive personality traits. By default, I'm decisive, I like things to be done quickly, I hardly procrastinate, I'm vocal, I'm all for justice, I'm impatient with people who insist on making not-so-wise decisions and whine about it later. I appreciate effort, intelligence, liberal thinking, and efficiency. I am not proud of my weaknesses, and I acknowledge that I have hurt many people with my forthright manner of speaking - but at the same time, I don't admire those who never voice out their true feelings. I'm probably more rigid about fulfilling obligations than most, something many people als...

So I decided, since it's hols, I'm 21 and freedom of speech still applies, I'm going to create a new, public blog. ...And also because I can't find my archives on my Wordpress private blog. That's 8 years' worth of memories, hey! *glares* Blogging doesn't seem to be in fashion anymore, though. It's alright. I don't care. If people prefer to read only 140 words on Twitter, they can go tweet. Imma have the time of my life pouring out my heart and soul in eloquent expression for the rest of mankind who can appreciate the power of the written word ahem myself. Pardon the craziness, I'm just so happy to be back in the blogging sphere. Writing has always been a passion, and a squelched passion is never a happy one. Therefore, I'm giving myself a grand welcome back. *Pats own back* Hellllllouuuu world.