In Motion

When people find out that JW and I have been in a long-distance relationship (LDR) for 6 years, there are 2 types of reactions I usually get : 1) Wow how DID you guys do that?  My standard reply is that you just do. Like how everyone thinks cancer survivors are so strong and stuff - I think when things happen, you just go through it because you don't have any other choice but to survive. And after a while it becomes the default, the new normal. I also don't think an LDR is anywhere near an affliction like cancer, so it's not THAT hard to keep it up as long as both parties are committed. Granted, there WERE tough times and rough patches and we came close to breaking up, but I think all relationships go through that, even if due to other factors. 2) But you guys are so far apart so there must be fewer things to fight about. Okay. I know my previous paragraph makes an LDR sound simple and straightforward, and like it's nothing to marvel about. But that doesn't ...

Knowing You, Jesus All I once held dear, built my life upon All this world reveres, and wars to own All I once thought gain I have counted loss Spent and worthless now, compared to this Knowing you, Jesus Knowing you, there is no greater thing You're my all, you're the best You're my joy, my righteousness And I love you, Lord Now my heart's desire is to know you more To be found in you and known as yours To possess by faith what I could not earn All-surpassing gift of righteousness Oh, to know the power of your risen life And to know You in Your sufferings To become like you in your death, my Lord So with you to live and never die Graham Kendrick Copyright © 1993 Make Way Music, P.O. Box 263, Croydon, Surrey. CR9 5AP, U.K. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.

"You and me, we just want to reach a place where we don't have to worry about anything."-Jia Wern I find it hard to live in the present, because I'm always looking forward to the endpoint. While everyone else is nostalgic about having to leave the institute which has been our alma mater for the past 5.5 years, I can't wait to get it over and done with. And not just because I get to join JW in the States after that. I'm probably too goal-oriented for my own good. I'm happiest when a task is finished, not during the process. Life is basically a series of accomplishments and goals to check off my to-do list. *Sigh* Something tells me that's not very healthy.

Today's post will be a mushy one. I am so glad that my first paper is over, because that just means I'm one step closer to 2nd December and being reunited with the husband. Don't really know how I did in the paper, but there are so many other exciting things to look forward to, so the happiness overshadows everything else. =D What, you may ask, am I looking forward to? Number one, I'm getting my hair permed before I leave for the States. In other words, a makeover - mostly because haircuts are expensive and a perm would save me a haircut for a loooooonnnnggggg time while still looking presentable. :P I always get excited by hair makeovers. That's the closest thing to a risk I enjoy taking. =P Number two, FINALLY GETTING MY STUDIES OVER AND DONE WITH. I've had enough of the education system I was subjected to, and I need a change of scenery. And I know I shouldn't be saying this, because I'm probably going to be in the system for the rest of my li...

Despite the haze, the rundown buildings and the perpetual worry that someone's gonna rob you at any given moment, KL city has a charm of its own. The rumble of the LRT may keep one awake during those restless nights where sleep doesn't come easy, but it's a comforting reminder of affordable access to just about anywhere. I remember using the LRT to meet up with JW years ago during his summer breaks. Has it really been that long? In KL, taxis practically line up for you; having a day out at a shopping mall with friends was never an issue, and took less than half an hour of travel time. Not to mention you always felt more independent and accomplished getting round KL on your own. Like you somehow defied all the odds of getting stabbed/robbed/pickpocketed/kidnapped - really, you were a survivor . =P Ah, KL, land of many memories. I could write a Bildungsroman about you. <3

I don't like to talk about my academic achievements, or talk about how stressful studying is, or post statuses about how little sleep I got trying to finish an assignment, or about how I want to continue my Masters because I just love studying so much (not). Perhaps it's because I don't lose sleep over assignments, nor do I want to continue my Masters. Whether I eventually will or not is of no relevance - circumstances may dictate that I have to, but if I do, you can be sure it wasn't due to pure intrinsic motivation. Don't get me wrong - I love learning; I just don't love studying for the sake of an exam. I want to be able to pick and choose the kind of stuff I want to learn, and learn stuff that I can't get a grade for, but are essential life skills. Like cooking. Or being resilient. Or being courageous enough to drive around in unfamiliar territory (and not get into any accidents, hopefully). If there's one thing Uni has taught me, it's tha...

Dear girls, Never date a man you want to rescue. Never date a man because you want to change him for the better. Never date a man who needs a mother more than a girlfriend or a wife. Mark my words, because the day will come when you realize you cannot do all of the above, and still respect him. And respect is of paramount importance to a man. Granted, no one is perfect, and we are all still in the process of growing. You may say this eliminates half of the potential candidates, and that I'm being harsh by indirectly claiming that men like that don't deserve love. I think it's more a matter of a maturity. You can't date kids, because their physical, cognitive and emotional faculties aren't fully developed yet. Same goes for men who haven't grown up or can't assume basic responsibilities. Lasting, healthy relationships where the woman plays the role of a wife and the man leads as the husband are important for a strong family unit. A relationship that ...

My father always told me, "If you decide to be a teacher, you must be prepared to watch your friends surpass you in future. They will be earning big money as lawyers and engineers and doctors, while you're just a teacher, even though you were smarter than them in school. If you're ok with that, go ahead." I didn't have a problem with that. In fact, I still think I don't. I like teaching, and it's what I'm best at imo. So no, I don't want to be a pharmacist, or a doctor. I want to interact with students and be amused by their innocence. I want to utilize the public speaking skills I have, and inspire my students to learn. And I get a deep satisfaction out of that. I don't think money can change my mind that I'm best cut out for teaching. Lately, though, faced with the very real possibility that I might end up a housewife or with no career to speak of for a while - I found myself struggling with something along similar lines. It's o...

Authenticity. What a big word. To me, it means being courageous enough to show all facets of my true self to others, and not hiding parts of me that I deem weaknesses. But so often I catch myself only posting up happy, bubbly, positive thoughts and moments on Facebook, and I am careful not to reveal the more negative sides of myself. Don't you sometimes get the feeling that some friends on Facebook are are such wonderful people and are constantly positive? I think it's the same case here - maybe deep inside, we all strive to maintain an immaculate image so that people won't judge us for the worse. I think it's good to be authentic, to let others know that we face the same struggles, that perfection does not exist. To make up for that, here's the whole package. #nofilter Nope, I am not always smiling or joking, I cry sometimes when I get overwhelmed (and I've been doing a lot of that lately), I get angry when others "waste" my time by being ineffi...

I like looking at pictures of pretty girls on Facebook. Sometimes the girls themselves aren't especially pretty, but they're all dressed up for prom night or whatever event, so they're still eye candy. =P And then I look at myself and sigh. I want to be pretty too, and I know that with makeup and contacts, I can look fairly decent. There's even a saying that goes "there are no ugly girls, just lazy ones". But makeup is too time-consuming. I just CAN'T at this point in my life stare at a mirror for 10-15 minutes challenging my fine motor skills painting my face. By nature, I dislike anything tedious. Besides, with my sensitive skin, I don't really fancy clogging up my pores with who knows what chemicals. I've read articles that talk about how makeup dries up your face, and my facial skin really doesn't need anymore dehydrating tqvm. Women of the world who have perfect skin, be grateful and never take that for granted. You don't even ha...

Am only Youtubing the FIFA World Cup official songs now, a few days after the end of the World Cup. I'm hopeless, I know. xD Believe it or not, I totally missed out on the craze because I'm an IPG teacher trainee, and internship is no joke. Listening to the songs makes me feel like I should've watched at least ONE match though. =P Oh well. Maybe I can play "The World is Ours" in class one of these days and let my kids have a bit of fun. ;)

Today I had an interesting conversation with a guy after church. He was graduating this year and planning to marry his long-term girlfriend in four years' time. When I asked why he wanted to wait that long, he said it was because of financial reasons - he wanted children straight away and he needed to make sure that he had enough money to support a family first. I've heard this argument quite a bit, with variations here and there.Waiting for a better location, for a better job, etc. And I disagree, for the following reasons (please don't read this in my judgmental tone =P, I'm trying to be logical, and I'm speaking from experience here) : 1. Girls usually don't want to wait THAT long for a statement of commitment, especially if you've graduated and started working already. 2. There's no guarantee she's going to stick around for another four years. It might not be her problem - you may find out that you're growing in separate directions...

I've been musing lately about the way my life has taken a pretty sharp turn. Ever since I was a kid, I never imagined anything other than being anywhere but in Malaysia, having a stable job and 2 or 3 kids (and a dog!) with a husband who shares my (very unambitious) vision. I've always assumed I wouldn't be rich, and that I'd work in the civil service because I love teaching that much. And then life happened, got a boyfriend who was studying in the States, boyfriend turned into husband, and tada, change of plan. I think that by now, I should accept that if there's anything that CANNOT be planned out in advance, it's life. So here I am, with (potentially) no job, a huge debt and an uncertain, unpredictable future for the next few years at least. With this rug pulled out from under my feet, I can only choose to hold on to God's promise that He has plans to prosper me, not to harm me, and to give me a hope and a future. And that all things work togethe...

This post is a continuation (of sorts) of the last post. Since coming back to campus, many people have asked me, "So, how does it feel to be married?" My answer is, it doesn't feel any different, actually. Maybe I feel more secure and happy because I don't have to worry about breaking up with him anymore or being estranged by the distance (things will only get worse if I'm posted to a rural area with no internet connection), but otherwise, I don't feel like getting married opened my eyes up to a whole new world. Or something equally dramatic. Perhaps I don't feel very different because I've been in this relationship for six and a half years, and we've gotten so used to each other already. In other words, we're comfy with each other. So yeah, I'm probably past that fireworks and romance phase. Got over it like 5.5 years ago. =P Besides, we were always the committed sort. *shrugs* Not much of a culture shock there. Or maybe the reason...

So many things have happened in the past month. There was that dreadful week before the wedding, the wedding day itself, the posh, short honeymoon at Cove 55, the living at home, the living away from home, and the second honeymoon at Bali, and now I'm back in campus while he's gone back to the States to resume his PhD. So far, I've been too busy to be paralyzed by his absence. The past week has been a flurry of activity, and today I finally get an (informal) off day with time to myself. My friends are planning to go to Alamanda for some shopping and maybe a movie, but I need my alone time . Key word : Need . I'm finally getting down to blogging about the whole experience, and I realize that I don't even know where I'm supposed to start. Maybe I'll start here then : God is good. I have been blessed in so many ways - marrying my first and only love at an early age, having enough time to settle everything that needed to be settled before the weddi...

I hope people aren't sick of listening to me go on and on about the wedding, because this post is gonna be about the wedding again . Don't get me wrong, I am super relieved that the wedding is over, and that life can resume as normal. I'm not trying to relive the wedding or seek attention way past the event. I'm just trying to write down as much as possible about this important event because one day I may look back and wish I remembered more about it. =P Memory ain't what it used to be. Also, if anyone asks me for recommendations, I can just refer them to this post. This post is just going to be a simple one about the vendors that helped to piece my wedding together, 'cause the rates were reasonable and I felt that I (mostly) got good value for money. Heheh. My dress : Pearl Studio (rented), <RM500 for dress (+alteration), accessories and veil. Of course different dresses go at different rates, but most fall between RM400 - RM700, which was exactly my bu...

So. The long-awaited ( I HOPE) post about the wedding is finally here. Sorry for dropping off the edge of the world for the past few days, I've been busy. ;) Most of you know how much I dreaded the hassle of the wedding planning and the surveying and the decision-making and all things tedious, right? Well, I also didn't expect the actual wedding day to be much better since I'd have contacts in my eyes, makeup on my face, and be wearing pretty but uncomfy shoes for the whole of SIX (6) or more *winces* hours. All my fault, really, since I wanted an outdoor photoshoot on the same day (because I didn't want a pre-wed photoshoot or yet ANOTHER makeup and dress up session). =P The pleasantly surprising thing was, I had more fun than I ever expected to have, mainly because of the company. It was only at the wedding that I realized how much I had missed human interaction and socializing. Jia Wern's crazy St Jo gang even came up with a hashtag for the wedding : sixpoi...

An excerpt from John Piper's This Momentary Marriage :  "Marriage is not mainly about prospering economically; it is mainly about displaying the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his church. Knowing Christ is more important than making a living. Treasuring Christ is more important than bearing children. Being united to Christ by faith is a greater source of marital success than perfect sex and double-income prosperity. If we make secondary things primary, they cease to be secondary and become idolatrous. They have their place. But they are not first, and they are not guaranteed. . . . So it is with marriage. It is a momentary gift. It may last a lifetime, or it may be snatched away on the honeymoon. Either way, it is short. It may have many bright days, or it may be covered with clouds. If we make secondary things primary, we will be embittered at the sorrows we must face. But if we set our face to make of marriage mainly what God designed it to be, no sorrows and...

Lately I've been a confusing muddle of feelings, and not many of them positive. It's just one month to the wedding, and I know you may think it's weird that I'm feeling this way. I should be walking on air, or at least excited that I'm entering a whole new phase of life, right? And there's going to be this pretty wedding that people are going to come for and celebrate with me and Jia Wern, so what's there to NOT be happy about? I'll start from the beginning, and try not to confuse you as much as I am confused. All my life, I haven't been a very social person. I can count the number of really close friends I have on one hand, and that includes Rene, who is technically a family member. My relationship with Jia Wern is something not many people are privy to, since we only started when he was over there, and I was still here. We have hardly any mutual friends, and practically none who know us well enough to make an excellent, balanced wedding speec...

I've been through 12 weeks of practicum, and this practicum has been the best one ever. I love everything about SK TRJ, except the canteen food. The admin and teachers there were so nice to us and treated us like real teachers instead of their personal assistants/free labour. Everyone was eager to help us and make our stay the best one possible. I am so in love with that school. I can only conclude that if the school admin is ok, everything else falls into place. I love SK TRJ, and I even miss the admin there more than the students. =P In terms of students, other than the discipline level, SK TRJ has a wonderful bunch of kids. They are still...kids, not teenager wannabes. I was impressed that the young girls didn't send the handsome male trainees love letters and stalk them like what I'd previously witnessed in other schools. The kids were really sweet, too. I entered some classes only for relief, but the kids in those classes still greet me and beam at me happily eve...

My Year 3 class is NOT the best class, but they have an uncanny affinity for worksheets. When I go into that class for Moral Education, they will eagerly ask "Will there be a worksheet?" even before I finish teaching. =.= Just yesterday, I went in to the class to discuss about today's party, and their Mathematics teacher was in the class. She asked them to listen to me, and threatened them with, "Kalau tak...saya akan ambil balik lembaran kerja awak!" The class shuddered . I think any other class would've loved less homework. But not this class. I think they're crazy. xD

So it seems I have a long weekend this week - my school took Monday off. I like long weekends. Haha who doesn't. But it's nice to be able to kick back and relax, and think of all the wonderful time-wasting things you can do WITHOUT feeling guilty or rushing for time. Like shopping, for instance, and blogging, which I'm doing right now. First of all, UPDATES on wedding preparations. During the March hols, I managed to settle a lot of stuff such as the wedding dress (can I hear a Yay!) and makeup. That's...A LOT of stuff ok. You have no idea how long it takes just to find a wedding dress. I basically spent 3-4 days spread out over a span of 6 months trying to find THE perfect dress... ...and realized it doesn't exist. Not within my budget, at least. I really shouldn't have so many ideals. Well, the point is, I DID find a dress that I liked enough, even though it did not fit every single criteria I wanted (such as a black sash or something to break the mo...

Sometimes, I envy teachers who have seemingly perfect class control. By perfect class control, I mean that whenever I walk past their class, pupils are seated quietly with all eyes on the teacher. The teacher concentrates on teaching, and the pupils are engaged in learning. One disclaimer is that I bet those teachers don't employ group work strategies most of the time. I also suspect that they have taken drastic measures such as publicly mincing a kid into pieces to deter the others from trying their stunts in the classroom. =P I think most people would think class control is easy. I used to think that myself, since I have a fiercer nature and people tend to be scared of me. After undergoing my practicum for more than 5 months, I know better than to make assumptions now. Children will be children, and if you spare the rod, you'll spoil the child. Nowadays teachers aren't allowed to use the rotan anymore, so our level of scariness has gone down a few notches. Scolding ...

I'm not a very exciting person to hang out with, other than verbally. If you ask me what I like doing, I'd say reading a good book, having a good conversation, and maybe some shopping (provided it's a good bargain and I have a need/want). I don't really like "exciting" and "fun" things like going for an excursion with lots of friends, or jungle trekking, or travelling, or hanging out in a big group. My ideal number of people to hang out with stops at 1, which makes 2 including myself. That's the perfect number for good quality time and lots of deep conversations. I also like to dictate my own schedule and time, and dislike inconveniencing myself by the lack of a bathroom or having to follow other people's schedules to do what other people like (since I don't enjoy many things myself and would be perfectly content to hole up with a good book). I also hate groupwork unless I'm working with dynamic, intelligent and focused group ...

Last post - 8th February. Wow. It's been a month since I posted anything here. Oh well, not as if I don't know what practicum is like. Every day is a never-ending cycle of lesson planning, sleep, drive, school, lunch, drive, nap, lesson planning, sleep. Throw in another 2 assignments to be submitted next week and you get no weekends too. The good thing is I actually like teaching, and I have a nice combination of classes this time. Besides that, the school admin has been really nice and considerate towards us, and I really couldn't ask for more. So despite the super long drive (40 minutes each way, depending on traffic conditions and how many lorries are in front of me), I guess I'm having a good time in general this practicum. I don't really like teaching Moral Education for my minor, though. Mainly because we have to dwell on one topic for 2 weeks (3 lessons a week) or more, and there are only so many things you can do with a weak class on the sameeeeeeeee t...

After 6 hours of brainstorming, searching, cutting, folding and pasting, the end results do not disappoint. Here, I present to you the English Language Month poster for the opening ceremony on Monday and a notice for the notice board. The "book" in the centre is meant to be opened and signed by the headmaster as he officially launches the English Language Month. Fancy eh? =P I hope the notice board is big enough for this pretty sign. =D Thank you for your compliments, you are far too kind. =P I can't take any credit for the ideas or art sense, though, because all I did was the typing and printing and cutting. Josephine and Deborah decided on the designs heheh. One must always be aware of her shortcomings, and I definitely fail in the visual art department.

Today, I want to make a list of things I love about my soon-to-be husband (4 months is soon lah!), lest I forget one day when I'm mad at him. =P I love how calm and patient he is with everyone and everything. His accepting spirit makes me feel safe and assured of my worth no matter what I do wrong. I love how he's so considerate, and treats me like a gentleman would. Chivalry never gets old. <3 I love how these qualities are part of his character, and extends to people around him as well. I'm not afraid that this is just the "honeymoon" stage that will disappear soon after marriage. I love how we share the same ideas about what's sensible and practical. I love how he listens to me and supports me because he knows I need it. I love the way he adapts to my habits without complaining, and even seems glad to do it. I love how he's not possessive, and trusts me. I love that I can trust him too. I love how smart he is, and I love how it doe...

I. Am. Loving. It. When I hear stories of what my other friends are going through, I thank God over and over again for letting me come to SK Rasah Jaya together with Deborah and Josephine. And I also pray that God will give them the strength to endure the next 12 weeks until the end of practicum and the internship. With the Action Research that we have to do this year as well, the last thing you want to deal with is a difficult school with plenty of demands. I can't wait to start teaching, although I still feel some inertia after so many months of not writing super long lesson plans. It's probably going to be fun. =)

"The one thing you can't take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one's freedoms is to choose one's attitude in any given circumstance."  - Viktor E. Frankl 4.5 years ago, I began my training. It was a rough start with conflicts and clashes because my philosophy of life did not (and still does not) match the culture here. I value intelligence, efficiency and knowledge - people here value seniority above all else. "Because I'm your superior" is an inadequate justification, especially if it's about a gap in knowledge or the way things were run less than efficiently. Nobody rocked the boat except me, and I was singled out as a thorn in the flesh by the department. I ended up distrusting the department and everyone in it. Everyone had their own agenda, and when it came to the bottom line, nobody would side a student. After all I would be gone in 5 years, but they had to keep working with their colleagues...

Today is my last day in Kuching after a 5-day long hiatus from my studies. Since it was for five days only, I decided that I didn't need all that much with me, and travelled really light for the first time in my entire life (ie did not check in any luggage).  I love the freedom that comes with not having to wait around baggage claim carousels. More often than not, my luggage always comes out last for some inexplicable reason. =.= I usually bring back a lot of stuff because you never know when you might need this scrunchie or that, or maybe an extra extra extra outfit. In fact, I always took care to book 15kg of check-in luggage whenever I bought flight tickets because you just never know , do you? I often end up wasting half of that weight limit, too - because I really don't pack ALL that much. Lugging heavy bags around is no fun especially when your bags don't have rollers on them. Also, after travelling to US with minimal luggage, I'm convinced that one doesn...

Over the holiday, some decisions were made, the guest list was finalized and my bridesmaids and parents worked together to get the invitations and bridesmaid dresses. I'm feeling pretty happy with the progress because the full picture is finally materializing. Before anything else, I want to thank everyone who was involved (both sets of parents, Rene and Amy) profusely for their cooperation to get everything done under a week or so. You can also read about the details  here . I'm always so kancheong to put plans into action, so the stress I felt prior to this might have been caused by the standstill. People have been telling me to "enjoy the process", but I've always been a goal-oriented person, so setbacks and waiting around tend to stress me out. That is, I'm usually happier at the end of the journey than on the way. Can't help my choleric personality. =P Back to the progress they made. Bridesmaid dresses, (finally) check! I gave my bridesmaids t...

Jet lag can feel like PMS. You're tired, hungry at weird times, and trying to adjust to a proper circadian rhythm. Throw in some emotional instability at having to leave a loved one behind, and mix that up with psychological distress caused by having to cope with the demands of school and work. Not a good recipe, trust me.  It's the new year, but it's less than happy for me. I hope this phase passes quickly and I can go back to being normal, but right now all I want to do is hole up somewhere until I feel okay again, until every problem can be viewed in its correct proportion, and not be magnified by my hormones instead. Tomorrow will be our 6th and last anniversary of being boyfriend and girlfriend. A whole new stage of life awaits me this year.  Something to hang on to in the midst of this dark cloud.